This week I purchased my wedding dress.

I will withhold the details on the dress itself. I have this odd desire to surprise absolutely everyone at the wedding — groom, family and guests (my mom has already seen the dress so she’s grandfathered in).

I hadn’t expected the emotions I experienced. I had bought into the fantasy of brides knowing their dress is The One. How many times have we read that cliché? I was expecting my mom to be in tears when the MOMent came. But in fact, I was hemming and hawing and standing in front of the mirror for an eternity. And my mom said, “I like it,” matter-of-factly. No tears.

What it came down to was this: As an adult, independent woman who with her fiancé is paying for a large part of her own wedding, THE DRESS becomes The Dress At This Price. Knowing my budget and being very aware of how much I had to spend, I think I lost a sense of the fantasy and romance. For a brief moment, a little part of me wished I could be the totally ignorant bride whose dad was paying for everything – bills whisked away without a glance — but on second thought, I really wouldn’t. I have worked too hard to have a level head – why lose it now?

What made the whole wedding gown shopping experience a joy was that I discovered the Bridal Garden, an innovative bridal boutique (thanks, Liz!). All of the dresses are donated, mostly by bridal gown designers, bridal salons (like Bergdorf’s and Saks’), and some, of course, by brides. In turn, the bride’s purchase price goes to the Sheltering Arms charity. It’s brilliant! The donor gets a tax deduction, the bride gets the none-too-small psychic satisfaction of knowing that her cash has gone to children in need.

I could never have made it through this process without Gina, who manages the shop three days a week and has a huge, soft heart. She laughed at all my jokes, which put me instantly at ease. She is also an expert seamstress so she was very frank about what needed work and how complicated and expensive it might be. Since the dresses are donated, some can be in need of dry cleaning and repair. And since they are off-the-rack, there can be some extensive tailoring involved.

Luckily for me, one dress fit beautifully and wasn’t in need of cleaning. Gina’s eyes lit up and she said, “I’m not going to put any pressure on you.” My mom said, “That’s a wedding dress.” (As opposed to another number that I had liked — but looked to her like something I could buy for any occasion.)

I took a moment. I thought about the jaw-dropping, sex-kitten number I tried on at Jeffrey, the beautiful, hand-tatted French lace and corset-tied gown at Kleinfeld, and then I thought about my hard-earned money going to charity. Then I knew. This was The Dress.